DUKES OF SEAFOOD

DUKES OF SEAFOOD

Yeah, you read it right – ‘dukes of seafood’ was my search on Facebook. Don’t ask me ‘why’. No idea. Don’t even ask me what was the state of my mind at that moment. Don’t know that either. But apparently I was really, really drunk because last night is a blur to me. The morning after, I wake up dressed in a jumper because my drunk self thought there is no logical reason to wear a normal t-shirt, if I am incapable to find my pyjamas, when it is so stuffy in the flat (thanks to summers in London where opening your window to its max doesn’t help), so clearly a jumper was a great idea. So with a bit of a head ache (at least I wasn’t dying) I saw my jacket and heels next to my bed. And then it hit me… I didn’t even remember how I opened the door or how I took my jacket from the cloak room.

I think I can be classified more as the type who goes out and is mostly sober. I am always the one who remembers everything and I am one of the most boring people to go out with. However, I do wonder what is a better option, have the night of your life and let yourself get loose because you won’t remember how you were slut-dropping the night before, or be the one who laughs at her friends while they are acting crazy and orders uber back home.

My friend has mastered the whole going out routine. She pre drinks like a pro, has crazy nights out and then has full capability to get her coat, order an uber, open the doors AND do a proper skincare routine once she is back. And I mean a 3am make up removing without a face wipe, face cleanse, tooth brushing, moisturising, you get the idea. The girl always surprises me (okay, maybe not any more since she is the most on point person that I know), but one I cannot deny – damn do I wish that this girl was me. In that case I would go full blast on all nights out that I have.

Oh well, I guess when you are in your 20s, single and living in one of best cities to live in, you gotta just risk those blank nights out for the sake of having fun. Or not, since you don’t remember anything anyway, so technically you don’t know what fun you had. Unless your friends tell you, which is 99.9% gonna be embarrassing. So, I will get back to you on my conclusion about how full on one should be on a night out. Meanwhile, I will just once again ignore that message from a random guy that I met last night. Apparently I am friends with him on Facebook. Who knows, maybe it was him that I had a conversation about the dukes of seafood… That shall remain as a mystery.

Sandra

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WHEN THE DREAM KISS TURNS INTO A PECK

WHEN THE DREAM KISS TURNS INTO A PECK

So since I posted about my unusual encounter with a co-worker, I thought it would be fun to share more stories on the same subject. This time it will be in relation to a guy I kinda dated (still unsure if I can call it ‘dating’, but might as well). Rather than tell you the whole story and write an entire book about it, and trust me with the amount that I talk it wouldn’t be hard, I will just share with you the lessons that I’ve learned from this failed romance that occurred over a year ago.

  • When a guy gives you a choice for the date, never choose an in a middle of nowhere kinda location.

So before I left to live in London, the guy said we should meet up. However, our time availability was completely different, and it was impossible to make daytime arrangements. I offered to see him after he finishes work, which was around 9pm. Knowing that I am super indecisive, he thought it would be funny to let me pick our meeting spot. I chose to meet at the beach. Seriously though, I don’t know what I was thinking, it was such a stupid choice. A) It was awkward because the night was beautiful, the stars were amazing, and we were having a conversation how he can’t do long distance relationship… The most romantic atmosphere was clouded with the words that he was saying, and yet there was too much attraction going on (probably again influenced by a pretty amazing setting). Anyway, you get the point that it was awkward. B) I had to wait for him at the beach for ages cause he was running late. After sitting in a silent beach, I got scared when he shouted hello to me from afar. Without thinking much, I went up to meet him, and guess what? I fell down the dune because I was stupid enough not to realise it was too steep. Bruised my leg all over, but try to act cool when I met him. He asked me why it took me so long to come up – I pretended that I followed an odd path (though in reality I was trying to get out of a bush after falling over).

  • Never attempt to kiss a guy that you work with while still at work and doing the same shift.

Right, let’s just say that our ‘dating’ was all over the place and there was no clarity in it in any shape or form. Being a typical girl who spent too much time thinking about what we were, I made a stupid decision. Half way through our shift, when we were both on a break, I asked X to come outside for a second… And I went for a kiss. Which he rejected by turning his face, so I would end up kissing his cheek. It was so embarrassing that I wanted to be a turtle and hide under the shell for at least the rest of that shift. Major regrets.

  • Don’t go to work straight after you stayed over at the guy’s place. Walk of shame is bad, but it’s worse when you go straight to work where everyone knows where you’ve been.

Partly cause I did like the guy I ended up spending my NYE with people from work, including him. Him and his friends ended up dressing up. To be more precise, he had a blue paint all over himself. Things got a bit out of hand at the party, and we started flirting. Obviously a suggestion followed to stay at his place (I gathered it was a big deal cause apparently he never allowed any girl to stay over because of his mum). The only, at that point fairly insignificant, issue was that I had to start work pretty early the next morning. That was the time when I regretted my eager wish to save up more money (I offered myself to do an extra shift on New Year’s Day, probably for the sake of thinking that I can buy more clothes once I am back in London…). Like I said, the guy had blue paint all over him. I wish the paint was better quality because more than half of it ended up being on me the next morning. I had no time to take shower in his place, and couldn’t get back home before starting work. I missed the train, so had to call a taxi to get to work (don’t want to remember my conversation with the driver while I tried to prove to him that I am not hangover and I certainly am not doing a walk of shame). The worst part was when I got to work and everyone knew why I was covered in a blue paint. The damn paint just wouldn’t wash off. I’ve never felt worse for being a number one topic at work. Oh well, life goes on.

Now when I think about this ‘thing’ that I had with this guy, I want to cringe because I did SO many things to turn around the cards to go my way. And let’s be honest it was waste of my energy and time. In addition to these little stories that I shared, there is a lot of other stories that I ended up having with this guy, but the conclusion is the same. It was one of those cases when I knew he wasn’t that great and was not worth it, yet I was always doing crazy things to get his attention or spend some time with him. Jokes aside, on a real note, no girl should try that hard to make the guy miss her or want to see her.

Sandra

ONE TIME WHEN THE GUY TURNED OUT TO BE TOO AWKWARD

ONE TIME WHEN THE GUY TURNED OUT TO  BE TOO AWKWARD

One hears a lot of advice from people that dating someone from the same working place is never a good idea. They say there will be too much tension when you have to see the other half every single day. It will be hard to avoid not incorporating your personal issues when at work. You will feel exhausted of spending 24/7 together. The conversations will be lacking because you both do the same thing. And all that other jazz. You know I tried to test what it is like to be in a relationship with a co-worker, but every time it backfires a date or two into the whole thing. And it gets well too awkward… every single time.

My most recent ‘fling’ was with that six foot two guy that came to support our store for a week or so. He seemed handsome, maybe a bit too put together so one started asking a question to myself whether he is gay or not. Being a girl who is good at stalking (please, now we all are pretty good at it and deserve to have a degree for it), I found out bits and bobs about him. A guy loves travelling, seems to be nice, his age is appropriate, and, most importantly, he broke up with his girlfriend not long ago. ‘Bingo’, I thought, since that last part means he is not gay and also available.

But you know there’s always that little doubt inside your head when the guy seems to be perfect. You always wonder what the hell is wrong with him. There must be something that’s off. Always. It took me a while, as in two weeks, to gather what was so worrying about this tall and handsome guy. It started with me getting his number merely two days after we’ve met. We started to chat daily, sometimes till 3am. Since I love my own space and independence, I thought it was too much. But whatever, he seemed to be too into me so I thought I can work around it. Then a guy got paranoid about everything I said, he was super insecure about ‘us’ (even though it was early stages of dating and it was all meant to be relaxed). So, here it is – number one issue was his paranoia.

Second problem I encountered was his evident issues with self-confidence and his looks. I would get a bunch of random selfies in our what’s app conversations because he wasn’t sure whether beard suited him or not. Or he just wanted to show how long it’s taken him to get the right angle. Oh and once he asked what do I prefer because he is worried that his stubble is scratching my face when kissing, which was his excuse for not kissing me properly. Not sure, not sure… Whatever purpose of these photo bombs was, it got too much too quickly. Also made me think, maybe a guy is gay but hasn’t admitted it to himself yet. I am pretty unsure, but asking him wasn’t  my forte so I never did. I hope he discovers it himself before he starts dating another girl. For his own sake.

The most memorable experience was going on a date with him. So it was a classic date with drinks ect, nothing special. I was excited cause I kinda liked the guy and wanted to see how it will go. Short story is that it was awkward. Even the kiss in the end turned out to be too awkward to be repeated. He does not make a move at first, and then I am almost out of my tube station, when I get a phone call to come back to the stop were we separated cause it ‘didn’t feel right’. In the end we kissed, but it was definitely an interesting experience. I got thrown at myself a pile of small pecks at my lips, something that my six year old brother does but to my cheeks. Feels cute at first but then gets irritating in a second or two. It was weird, to say the least, but I put it off as him just being nervous.

Anyway, the second date didn’t get much better. The same paranoia continued. Constant questioning of the looks was evident as well. A guy made a comment that his hands are soft while holding my hand. Surely it should have been the other way around? And then he said my hair smelled nice, and that he uses the same product. He started to name every hair product brand. Can I say that the moment got ruined? By the time we tried to kiss, he stopped and asked what’s wrong and if his kisses are to feminine. Exactly, I couldn’t have put it any better – his kisses were feminine. The date was the moment when I realised that there will be no more dates. It was just an issue to tell him that, since he seemed to believe I am perfect and he must fix everything that was wrong. Sadly, some things are just not meant to be fixed. Dating is not meant to be made to work, it has to work naturally…

As you can guess, we didn’t end up going on another date. The ending of it all is not essential to know. It was super awkward, just like the whole thing in general. Perhaps sharing it would involve some personal details on the guy’s behalf, and I don’t want to do that.

It feels like such a relief that he is back working at his store, so I don’t need to run into him and give an awkward smile or try to have a polite, but unwanted, conversation. So it’s all good. However, I have confirmed my idea that there’s no perfection out there and everyone has got something that is not ideal with them, even though that doesn’t seem to be the case. I feel like in my case, this time it was too much to work around it. The whole thing was both sad and funny at the same time, mainly cause I’ve never encountered a guy who acted this way and it’s definitely not a stereotypical image of a guy.

This time I tick off another attempt to experience having a relationship with a guy from the same workplace. So far I had quite a few (all unsuccessful), so I might write more stories about that in the future.

Sandra

IN SEARCH FOR A SPARK

IN SEARCH FOR A SPARK

So, you know that feeling inside when you meet someone for the first time, and there appears to be an immediate spark. Or do some people call it falling in love from the first sight. I don’t believe in this latter idea, but you know – one cannot make the chemistry appear, when it’s not there.

My mum likes to mention, and I am not exaggerating, every time I come to visit my parents, how I am too picky. I will stay single forever and ever because I will never find a perfection that I am searching for. Yet, I am convinced it’s not the issue of finding ‘perfection’ (let’s be real, there is no such thing) but finding that immediate chemistry. You just can’t make it happen when it’s not there.

I went on several dates throughout the last year but never wanted to pursue anything because something was missing. Yet, here I am visiting my hometown when suddenly (or maybe I planned it), I see the guy I almost had a thing with. And, damn, I hoped that the chemistry would be gone, but it is still there. Just like it was a year ago, and on the first day I met him. The one who should not be mentioned was pretty much an asshole, and I would love to not have any chemistry left. But like I said, sometimes one cannot control it. Otherwise we would always love the ‘nice’ guys with good jobs, model looks, amazing chefs, lovers or whatever there is that each of us thinks is the ideal.

The truth is, sometimes we just not going to fall in love as some say, or I prefer the concept of chemistry, no matter how perfect (or close to perfection) the guy taking you out or asking for your number is. And it’s a shame, but a girl can’t help sometimes but fall for an asshole.

Acting like my good old naive self, I came back home the day I saw, let’s name him A, and hoped to get a Facebook message, asking how long I am down for. Or maybe I was wishing he would reply to that last message that he saw… A follow up to a suggestion to catch up (big, big mistake, where were my girlfriends to stop me from sending it), but let’s be real once an asshole, will always be an ass. And he is a proof. I am yet to receive the message.

Sandra 

RECEPTIONISTS WITH ENDLESS LEGS

RECEPTIONISTS WITH ENDLESS LEGS

I can happily say that I landed my very first part time job that has potential to help with my future career. In fact, I am over the moon because there’s a possibility that this retail job will open the doors for me to further follow my ambitions within the fashion sector. I don’t care that I was meant to cut down the hours in my final year at uni. I quit my previous job to find a more ‘easy-going’ replacement. Here I am, a month ago I’ve signed a contract to work in the office during weekdays, an odd 12h per week. And now I’ve signed a contract to work for a luxury brand, another odd 15h per week. Good bye my weekends. Again.

As mentioned, I am still happy how the things turned out. But you know, I am absolutely terrified about the concept of entering a bitchy, ‘Devil Wears Prada’ kinda life. It was enough to go through an assessment centre as part of my application. The Head Office greeted me with the stunning receptionists, those goddess creatures where one cannot find even the tiniest flaw. Or maybe they are just experts at applying their make up and know that wearing all black makes you always look great. Whatever is the case, I got terrified that this is the type of people I will be surrounded with. And the girls that took part in the assessment didn’t make it any better either – one of them gave me such a glance that I started debating my existence.

After it got confirmed that I have landed my part time job (perhaps my never shut up kinda character gave the impression that I know more than I do, but I ain’t complaining), my friends and I joked that it’s time to go on a salad diet. Max 1000 calories. Until one of my friends went further and suggested I should consider liquid diet. If it was the diet of Long Island Iced Teas, I would consider it as a legit offer. Unfortunately, it’s not. But who am I kidding,  what needs to happen for me to stop eating candies, cheese and drink cocktails. I am yet to find the factor behind such act. And even this job is unlikely to change my habits.

I do know that it is all about confidence and that the society should never pressure you to look a certain way. You should only change if it will make you feel better, not because of the society’s expectations. But that is the obvious, and it is not a blog for those who need a confidence push, so let’s not further chat about it. The point is, that’s how the society is built and sadly enough everyone gets greeted by their looks, and the first impressions come from the looks, and let’s not lie since we all know that first impressions count. I guess, I am just freaked out that while I am still work in progress in terms of establishing my confidence and taking it more often for a walk with me is not part of my daily routine, it will be hard to not think about how I am not meeting these expectations that the society has in the industry that I am entering.

As of right now, I will go and eat my mum’s homemade cheese cake and drink some peppermint tea. And tomorrow I will get back to worrying about this new job. Until I repeat my routine of cake and tea in the evening. Oh well.

Sandra