So, you know that feeling inside when you meet someone for the first time, and there appears to be an immediate spark. Or do some people call it falling in love from the first sight. I don’t believe in this latter idea, but you know – one cannot make the chemistry appear, when it’s not there.

My mum likes to mention, and I am not exaggerating, every time I come to visit my parents, how I am too picky. I will stay single forever and ever because I will never find a perfection that I am searching for. Yet, I am convinced it’s not the issue of finding ‘perfection’ (let’s be real, there is no such thing) but finding that immediate chemistry. You just can’t make it happen when it’s not there.

I went on several dates throughout the last year but never wanted to pursue anything because something was missing. Yet, here I am visiting my hometown when suddenly (or maybe I planned it), I see the guy I almost had a thing with. And, damn, I hoped that the chemistry would be gone, but it is still there. Just like it was a year ago, and on the first day I met him. The one who should not be mentioned was pretty much an asshole, and I would love to not have any chemistry left. But like I said, sometimes one cannot control it. Otherwise we would always love the ‘nice’ guys with good jobs, model looks, amazing chefs, lovers or whatever there is that each of us thinks is the ideal.

The truth is, sometimes we just not going to fall in love as some say, or I prefer the concept of chemistry, no matter how perfect (or close to perfection) the guy taking you out or asking for your number is. And it’s a shame, but a girl can’t help sometimes but fall for an asshole.

Acting like my good old naive self, I came back home the day I saw, let’s name him A, and hoped to get a Facebook message, asking how long I am down for. Or maybe I was wishing he would reply to that last message that he saw… A follow up to a suggestion to catch up (big, big mistake, where were my girlfriends to stop me from sending it), but let’s be real once an asshole, will always be an ass. And he is a proof. I am yet to receive the message.

Sandra 

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